Debra J Hicks used to persist to find perfection in life until she realised it is best to be imperfect

Perfectly imperfect

I said “Yes” to a marriage proposal 20 days before turning 20 because I didn’t believe anyone else would want me.

You see, I’d gotten it into my head as a young girl that nothing I did was good enough; that nothing about me was good enough. All I heard were things like:
“Be quiet!”

“You can’t cook… you can’t even boil water!”

“Don’t eat that, you will end up fat just like me.”

I found myself seeking perfection as a way to gain acceptance. I thought that being perfect would make my life easier. It seemed to me that, if a person had this and that – looked a certain way, acted a certain way – then other people would listen when they spoke.

Yes, that was the key. So, I chased perfection relentlessly. To look a certain way, to be loved, to be accepted, to be wanted… Do you see now why I accepted that proposal? I look back now and think, “How sad was that, to feel so worthless?”

Rather than achieve what I wanted, all I ended up doing was judging myself. All I achieved was f***ing up my mindset and abusing my own mind, body, and spirit – physically and energetically.

Those of us who’ve awoken from that quest for perfection know that it is an endless one – perfection is unattainable. But we don’t know that, until we know it.

And I do know it. But it took me a hell of a long time to get there. It’s not the kind of journey that you can complete quickly. There are plenty of times when you take two steps forwards then many steps back. It is a loop, a spiral; you often have no control.

You make mistakes over and over again. And that’s okay, because there are gems to be found in there!

I won’t go into too much detail about my journey. You can learn all about it in my chapter in the bestselling multi-author book Wild Woman Rising, where I dive deep into my experience and the lessons and wisdom gained along the way. Instead, I want to share something that happened to me recently. In the lead-up to the Wild Woman Rising Summit – an online, internationally-viewed event – where I was supposed to go live on Facebook in front of thousands of women, I lost my top-middle tooth.

Debra J Hicks holding a copy of the joint co author book she published Wild Woman Rising

What was I to do? There were many times I said to myself, “No, you can’t do THAT! What will people think?”. I even had others say to me, “No, you can’t do it. What will your clients and prospects think! People are shallow, they will judge you…”

But you know what? I lost my tooth, but I am not my tooth. I made a decision that I wanted to show people it’s okay to be real, to show your authentic self. My work is all about coming home and showing up authentically and boldly in life. How could I do any less?

When I rose into my power and put myself forward as a brave woman that carved her own path, I didn’t realise the depth of the power I have within me. But this was the time to truly own it. I made the choice to stand up and show my imperfect self to the world. I knew that I would never forgive myself if I didn’t, because I am not a quitter. I am a FIGHTER.

So, I fought the battle with my thoughts and I won. Not because I wanted to prove anyone wrong. I wanted to do it for ME. And I’m so proud that I stepped up in all my imperfection to share my story and my wisdom with the world at the Wild Woman Rising Summit.

The thing is, it wasn’t until after that I realised the guts and power it took me to hold the space for myself to get there. That power is the magic behind conscious intention. I had to own it and not regret it when I hit an energetic wall afterwards – the cost for my bravery. It zapped my energy for two days. I could only work in the mornings, because I was drained by the time lunch rolled around.

I was forced to exercise self-care and just slept. There’s a polar opposite to exercising our internal force – our power – and that’s depletion. But we are powerful beings, and nothing can stop us when we make the conscious choice to act in our own best interest. When we act to seize the opportunities that greet us and offer us expansion.

I invite you to look in the mirror and welcome all the imperfections. Those that are visible and those that are not. For me, it was a missing tooth. Whatever it is for you, don’t let it stop you. Don’t let the opinions of others stop you. Don’t let your own fear stop you. Don’t let your negative self-talk stop you.

I know I can do anything. Because I just did it. I’ve done it before, and I will do it over and over again. Sometimes it will be easy. Sometimes it won’t. But it is my soul purpose to pave the way for those who need the benefit of my wisdom. Because I truly believe YOU have the power to have it all. To live your life according to your soul purpose; to show up in business as your authentic self; to be f***ing bold without apology.

I know now, without question, that perfection does not exist. When you chase it, you are chasing an illusion; something that is just not real. To be imperfect is the real perfection. Being true to yourself – showing the light and dark shades, the highs and lows – THAT is perfection. Shining from the inside, from the heart out – THAT is perfection.

Over the course of my life, I have come to realise that I am enough. The more I work on myself, continue to release limiting beliefs that are just bulls**t, rewire the neuroplasticity in my brain, the more I know that I am enough.

The more I love and accept myself, the more I step into my best self (who is ever-expanding), the brighter I can shine my light on the paths my beautiful clients are walking.

I am changing the world one person at a time. Giving them the strength to SEE, TOUCH, and FEEL their own magic. Even late in the day, you CAN have it all. All you need to do is be yourself, as perfectly imperfect as you are.

The gifts of learning and living are found in the imperfections. But if I’d known that at the time, I would not have gained the insights that led me forward in my journey. I am who and what I am today because of all that I was not back then.

I am in gratitude for my imperfections, because they have been my greatest teachers.

My mindset shifts, my wisdom, my transformation are all owed to the choice to take the challenges and turn them into opportunities.

I want to invite you to make the choice, in each moment, to accept, learn from, and be grateful for everything that has guided you to this moment; and everything that will continue to guide you on the journey you choose.

Perfectly imperfect

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Debra Hicks

Debra Hicks

Debra J Hicks is your happiness coach. Debra helps to remove blocks from your everyday life and is able to find the unique abilities in each person. Book a free discovery call with Debra today

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